Archive for the ‘Healthy Living’ Category

Sneakers On My Thighs

Friday, December 14th, 2007

The cosmetic industry has given me a great idea.  I’ve noticed in recent advertisements they have started adding the things we should be eating in our diet for healthier skin to our make-up.  Now, instead of eating right to look good, we just have to smear what we need on our face.  I’m sure it really works, too.  Like, totally dude.  How great.  That garbage in – garbage out warning we all heard as children has been nullified.  We can eat whatever we want and still look great.

If skin can look great with some simple topical love the same should be true for other parts of my body.  Don’t you think?  Instead of exercising, I’m going to tie sneakers to my thighs to help melt away my remaining baby weight.  This rocks.  Now I have time to watch some more television and type on my computer.  Mmmmm, me thinks I’ll call for a pizza too.

Mystery Solved

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

I have figured out why some young kids are becoming increasingly annoying…Sponge Bob Square Pants.  Parents, for the sake of your fellow man, throw him back in the ocean and read your kids a good book.  Take them outside and run them around, perhaps.  I beg you, my sanity can’t survive a world influenced by Sponge Bob.


Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

There was a loaf of bread in the store that boasted 15 grains. Wow! I didn’t even know there were 15 grains out there. I remember feeling pretty healthy with my 5 grain bread. Next came 9 grain. Then 12. Now 15! Isn’t anyone worried our insides are going to look like we swallowed a wire brush?

I Wonder?

Thursday, July 12th, 2007

How much extra flab can you get away with before your double chin technically becomes a double neck? Can you tell this pregnant woman is having body image issues? Holly, you got me going with your post about pictures and such.

On vacation last weekend I bought a cheap swimsuit at Walmart so I could cool off in the pool with the rest of my family. Word to the wise, when pregnant and hormonal don’t subject yourself to the perils of wearing a $13 swimsuit. This is especially important when you are the only pregnant person present. If it weren’t for my lily white legs and arms, I likely would have been mistaken for a runaway, brown, river log. Or something else much less appealing. We’ll leave it at that.

To the Women in the Hagerstown Shoney’s

Monday, July 9th, 2007

I washed my hands.  Really, I did.  There was a separate sink in the handicapped stall and I washed them there.  Promise.  There was no need to look at me as if my mother didn’t raise me right.  Surely you saw me wiping my hands with the brown paper towel.  What use would I have of the towel if it weren’t to dry my freshly washed hands?  And you must have noticed my germ-phobic self using the towel to pull open the restroom door.  How likely is it a woman who won’t lay her hands on a public door handle would waltz out of a restroom without a date with soap and water?

No Butts About It…

Friday, April 20th, 2007

Black underwear was not intended for light pants. You may be able to justify the black bra under the white blouse. A few celebrities have put their stamp of approval on this look. Black bloomers with khakis, however, have yet to get a nod of acceptance.

I’m always amazed when I see a woman out in public with drawers too dark for her outfit. I mean, what woman doesn’t check her fanny in the mirror before going out? I’ve been a fanny checker since the tender age of 15. It’s engrained. Not evaluating the back yard before leaving the house would be like not brushing my teeth.

Even if I’m wearing dark jeans, I’ve got to look. It’s not just about preventing the dark side from showing itself. What if something has shifted in the night? I’m 35 now. There is the possibility when I wake up things won’t be in exactly the same place as the previous day. It is important to be sure containment hasn’t been compromised. Actually, I think I’d prefer to see black underwear through light pants than body parts spilling through a barrier breech.  Call me picky.

So Many Of Us Do It…

Wednesday, March 7th, 2007

I admit I slouch….badly. There are days when some might assume I am bent over in constant prayer. It all became painfully clear to me over the weekend. My husband and I went to dinner at a place frequented by senior citizens. (As a side note, those are the best restaurants because the prices are reasonable and the service is good or the seniors wouldn’t give them the time of day.) In any event, as I looked around the room I was struct by how many people in the room were bent over. I’m not talking osteoporosis bent over, I’m talking hunched from a chronic slouch condition. Patrons of all ages, ethnicities and genders were bent as if leaning in to share a secret conversation. I had this insane urge to walk around the room and straighten everybody out. Then I realized I was just as hunched as the rest of them. Heck, I’m hunched even now as I type this blog.

As a result of my realization, I’ve been trying to force myself to sit up straight. Amazingly, it takes work. I catch myself making multiple attempts to roll my shoulders the right way and then checking myself in the mirror to see how close I am to success. When I do manage to get myself arrow straight, oddly I feel more alert. Breathing becomes somewhat easier and the tension that is normally present in my shoulders eases a bit. Who would have thought my 6th grade teacher who would order us to sit up straight was actually on to something?

I Propose…

Sunday, March 4th, 2007

I propose a National Learn How To Drive In The Grocery Store Parking Lot Day!  For all of the fantastic things humans are capable of, parking and making relatively simple decisions while going 5 mph aren’t amongst them.  It makes me fret at the thought of them charging down a highway at 70 mph while listening to the radio and talking on a cell phone.

It’s All My Fault

Friday, March 2nd, 2007

Well, I received some startling news yesterday. I am to blame for how bad the world is today. Yes, me. Throw eggs if you must. I’m readying for law suits. I’ll warn you I don’t have much so participating in a class action suit will likely net you a baby book and a Fig Newton.

How did this revelation come about? I was chatting on line with a group discussing the new HPV vaccine and the ‘supposed’ fact that 25% of girls aged 14-19 have the virus already. I dared to question the accuracy of the study considering most girls under the age of 18 have never had a gynecological exam and would be unlikely participants in such a study. I imagine those included in the study were a handful who were being treated for a known problem. Hardly a strong foundation for launching such an aggressive campaign to suggest one in four girls in junior high have contracted an STD. Never mind the fact that would require at least 50% of junior high school girls be sexually active.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a naive soul living under a rock. I’m fully aware our kids are becoming grossly sexualized and I know more and more are engaging in risky behavior. The messages and influences are everywhere. I am suspect of this report because it was released on the heels of an aggressive push by Merck for its HPV vaccine. This vaccine is expected to rescue the company from its bleak financial position. How handy to imply so many of our youth are sexually active and on the verge of infection. It makes it a lot easier to encourage mandating the HPV vaccine for young girls. A mandated vaccine makes a lot more money than a recommended vaccine. It’s pretty hard to mandate something for adults. Once the females turn 18, the company’s earnings potential dips drastically. It’s not that I know or feel the findings are wrong. I just have no reason to believe they are correct. There is a lot on the line here and I want accurate information.

My concern in the data being incorrect is that it will be used as a platform for other strategies with our youth. On top of mandated vaccinations, I can see sex education in our schools taking on a more extreme form in younger grade levels. I mean, if 50% of 7th and 8th graders are potentially having sex, the schools owe it to our kids to address the issues and teach them how to be safe with their sexuality. In my crystal ball, I can see schools eventually passing out condoms to our kids as an extra precaution. I mean, that’s the responsible thing to do, right? We must keep our kids safe.

Getting back to how I am to blame for the sorry state of the world, an individual I was conversing with felt my inclination to challenge the findings equated to sticking my head in the sand and avoiding the issue of teen sex. Avoidance and running from the problem was the reason our kids were poised to become damaged and infected. He went on to say that a good parent would put their child’s health first and equip him/her with all tools necessary to be safe. To an extent his words ring true with me. I will do what I need to do to keep my daughter healthy and safe. I don’t feel I’m a bad parent, however, for not wanting to put a condom in a 14 year old’s hand and carting her off for her HPV vaccine so she is prepared for some good ole middle school sex.

If 14 year olds are indeed sexually active and contracting STDs, my first reaction is not to start shooting them up with experimental vaccines. It’s not to line their pockets with contraceptives and provide graphic details on all the different types of sex with pros and cons. My first reaction is to stand up and scream at the elements of our society that insist on sexualizing our children. The parents who want to hold on to some shred of hope they can instill morals and values in their children aren’t to blame for how bad the world is. The individuals and organizations that continue to put the almighty dollar they earn for producing filth ahead of the safe and well being of our kids are at fault. The movies, magazines, pop artists, fashion gurus and advertising companies who continue to make raunch, promiscuity and unhealthy choices cool should be the ones on alert. So many companies and individuals are profiting from the continued sexualization of our kids. Now pharmaceutical companies are poised to do the same. Sure, at least they have a more noble angle. Still, a lot more money is generated by our kids being sexy and promiscuous than is generated by our kids making sound and conservative decisions. That should get every parent’s attention.

I’m not removing parents from the equation in the solution. Parents must stay close to the process and be prepared to take action if there seems to be no way to avoid a negative outcome. I certainly don’t want my daugther to get sick or pregnant to prove a point. Parents need to step up to the plate and get more involved in their kids’ lives. They need to do it collectively too. A mother and a father are no match for the multi-million dollar campaigns targeting our children every day. 10, 100, 1000, 10,000 parents might make a difference though. We need to stop buying products promoting (or endorsed by those who promote) irresponsible behavior. We need to quit handing money over to the very people who are acting against the best interests of our kids. We need to demand more information on how our kids are spending their time. We must put our foot down on the clothes our kids are wearing. We need to turn the television & computer off and spend real time with our kids. We need to make it clear what expectations we have of them and why they are important. We need to live in a manner that sets a positive example of the choices we are hoping our kids will make.

Blame the Dishes

Monday, February 26th, 2007

Do you realize how much better things would be if we simply had small dishes again? Giant plates, bowls and glasses are to blame for many environmental, financial and health problems of late. They are out of control and need to be reined in a bit.

Clearly, larger dishes require more raw materials to manufacture. It takes more glass to make a 12 inch plate than a 10 inch plate. Larger dishes strain a dishwasher. Fewer fit inside for a standard cycle. This means the dishwasher is run more often resulting in more water usage, higher electricity requirements and an increased level of soaps deposited in the environment. Dishwashers aren’t the only area of the kitchen strained. We now need larger refrigerators, microwaves, tables and cabinets to accomodate the girth of our dishes. The result, of course, is larger kitchens. Larger kitchens lead to larger homes. Larger homes require more energy to sustain and more land space. It’s an ugly cycle.

Actually, it is convenient our need for larger kitchens has resulted in larger homes, as these gigantic plates have also resulted in larger people. In order to maintain a respectable plate to food ratio, we are consuming inordinate amounts of calories. As larger people, we need larger clothes and larger furniture, requiring larger closets and larger rooms. All of this space requires more energy to maintain, more materials to furnish and more toxins to clean. This abundance of food also results in more waste on the part of the consumers. I’m not just talking about wrappers, peels and containers. I’m talking about biological waste, Number 1, Number 2 and methane.

Yikes. Really, how have our dishes been getting away with such behavior. They’ve ballooned our homes and our bottoms. They’ve catapulted us into a diabetes and heart disease epidemic. They’ve encouraged us to weigh down our airplanes and automobiles. Forcing them to belch out more fumes and drink more fuel. They’ve sabotaged our woodlands to make room for our ever enlarging homes. This insanity must be stopped. The only way to break this cycle is to break them. No more of this outlanDISH behavior.