Road trips as a kid were always fun. Mom would stock the car with treats and games so my sister and I could entertain ourselves as we rolled down the highway. One of our favorite activities was the alphabet game. If you aren’t familiar, the goal was to find words on signs that began with the letter of the alphabet you happened to be on. You’d start with ‘A’ and go to ‘Z’. Whoever completed the alphabet first, won. Your opponent wasn’t allowed to use the same word you spotted. Getting to ‘Z’ was no easy chore. That game kept us occupied for a fair amount of time.
As my infant daughter cried in the car yesterday, I started looking forward to the day when the alphabet game could keep her busy and content during our journeys. Then it hit me. If I want my daughter entertained for more than a few minutes, I’m probably going to have to come up with another distraction. The alphabet game isn’t going to work. One could get to ‘Z’ in the 3 mile drive from my front door to the Interstate entrance.
What has ruined the entertainment value of the alphabet game? Ladies and gentleman, I fear we are experiencing a sign epidemic. I’m no Signtologist, but they seem to be spreading everywhere. It’s a challenge to see grass and trees anymore. Restaurants, politicians, insurance companies, cell phone providers, hospitals, pharmaceuticals, tourism boards, auto dealers and a whole bevy of others are in an aggressive race to see who can decorate our roadways the quickest with their large billboards. A lot of expense goes into making them bright and appealing so our attention is drawn away from the task at hand and towards the important marketing message. Of course they are wasting their money. Please tell me all of these are going unread. I mean, we all have our eyes on the road while driving 70 mph, right? Right?!!! Lord knows I don’t want to pass someone driving at full throttle with a Grisham novel propped up on the steering wheel. Seeing someone with their eyes trained on the new McDonald’s salad flavors isn’t any less horrifying.
Though they may not be as fancy as the advertisers with the gigantic highway displays, local marketers have made their contribution with curbside plastic and cardboard signs. “Store Closing”, “Donate Your Car”, “Open House”, “Lower Your Bills”, “House of Nails”, “JJ’s Painting”, “Basket Bingo”, “St. Vincent’s Spaghetti Dinner”…the list goes on. Even sign making companies are joining the game. At nearly every major intersection in my urban area there is a narrow white rectangle with a phone number to call if you need a sign. Of course, sometimes it is hard to see. The limp and faded yard sale posters from 2 months ago tend to droop and obstruct the lettering.
I’m trying to figure out the reproductive nature of signs in general. I rarely, if ever, see a sign actually going up. However, each day there seems to be more and more. The moon must have something to do with the birthing process. Or could it be aliens? Signtology is based on aliens, right? All I know is their life cycle is pretty interesting (the signs’…not the aliens’). They show up abruptly and linger for weeks, months and years. Campaign signs are the most prolific. You wake up one morning and they are everywhere. They are like Cicadas, only we don’t have the 17 year reprieve between outbreaks. They return every other year and pain our eyes until their demise on the first Tuesday of November. Whatever/whoever gave them life has little interest in their expiration. Very few are respectfully put to rest on the first Wednesday of November. Many end up like the Cicadas, dead and flat on the ground patiently waiting to be reabsorbed by nature.
How did we get to this degree of sign infestation? I’m not sure. How do we fix the problem? I haven’t a clue? Where is the message of wisdom in all of this? I’ll have to think on that one. In the meantime, there are a few things you can do. Keep your eyes on the road and provide a final resting place for the weathered and expired. As for me, I’m off to invest in printing companies.
