It’s Hard To Say…

My Grandfather recently had a health scare that had us all wondering if our time with him might be nearing its end. This is the man who has done more for me and held more of my heart than any other. He was the one who filled in the holes of a fatherless childhood. He was the great protector and provider. Many of the bits of wisdom he passed down over the years are part of my decision making process to this day. As much as I care for him, we have never really discussed anything remotely emotional. Conversation pieces have been the economy, history and the weather. Touchy-feely stuff has been off limits.

The thought of how close we came to losing him created a giant need in me to tell him all sorts of things I’ve been carrying in my heart for years. I’ve never been good at admitting how much people mean to me though. I don’t know if it is a fear of rejection or a concern over appearing silly, but I would much rather show someone how I feel with gestures as opposed to words. Gestures weren’t going to cut it this time, however. I needed to be sure there was no doubt of how much I love and appreciate him. Because I was too scared to tell him in person, I wrote a long letter full of all sorts of confessions and stuck it in the mail. There were a few times I almost ran out to the mailbox to snatch the letter before the postman came. I didn’t though. I knew I’d hate myself if I chickened out. My Grandpa is definitely worth any potential embarrassment on my part.

A few days ago I hopped in the car to visit my Grandpa. He seems to be doing better and casually mentioned “the nice letter” I sent him. He also let me know to expect a reply in the mail. Guess he didn’t want to get all gooey in person any more than I did.  I don’t know for sure what his letter will say, but I have a feeling it is one I will hold onto forever. Why it took me so long to tell my Grandpa how I feel about him I’ll never know. I’m just so darn relieved I pushed myself to put pen to paper while there was still time. No regrets. That should always be the goal, don’t ya think?

4 Responses to “It’s Hard To Say…”

  1. Kim says:

    Have you heard John Mayer’s song “Say”? Perfect for this….

    I’m like you too, I’m better with gestures. I’ve heard great things about the book “The five languages of love”.

  2. lisa says:

    Thanks Kim. I’ll have to give that song a listen. I have a feeling it will make me a bit sappy.

  3. Susan says:

    How is your grandfather doing now Lisa?

  4. lisa says:

    Susan, he is doing much better. Turns out his blood pressure was out of whack and he had a raging case of gout. Everything is under control again. I’m soooooo thankful.