This might be offensive to some, but I believe parents who teach or allow their children to be mean are guilty of abuse or neglect. There is no way I will ever be convinced children emerge from the womb ready to harm and be cruel to others. It is something that happens over the course of time as the behavior is modeled for them by movies, video games, other children or the adults in their life.
Today I had an experience that made me physically ill. My daughter, as I’ve shared before, has a prominent birth mark on her upper chin and lower lip. It is dark red and quite puffy. People frequently stare and make comments (some kind and some rude). It is part of our daily life so I’m rarely thrown by the behavior of other’s anymore. A 7 year old boy (I’m estimating) in Old Navy today threw me for a loop. As his mother shopped, her son decided to entertain himself by harassing my 8 month old daughter as she sat, bright eyed and smiling, in her stroller. He approached her 3 times and placed his face right in hers. “You have an ugly face”, he announced each time. The 3rd time, he stuck his tongue out as well. His clueless mother wasn’t offering any relief, so I looked the boy in the eyes, told him he wasn’t being nice and wheeled my daughter to another part of the store. Moments later my attention was drawn to the same young boy playing around with soccer style balls in the rear of the store. He was probably 12-16 feet away from us. My gut suddenly told me something was up and I moved towards my daughter. Just as I did, he kicked the ball in her direction. I was able to bat it away before it could connect with her face. The boy had a look of satisfaction about him.
If you are a parent reading this, you can probably guess the degree of anger I felt over the incident. I rarely get angry. When I do, a rash forms on my neck. I was telling some friends today, I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to being ticked off. Since lashing out at the boy wasn’t going to solve anything, and there were no goalies available for an impromptu soccer match, I decided to approach his mother. Containing my rage, I gently offered she should keep a close eye as her son is being a menace. My words were met with a look of complete bewilderment. I provided a brief summation of events. You’d think an apology would be the first thing to pass through her lips. Nope. She suggested the ball sailing towards my daughter was the result of an accident. Considering I was the one watching her child and not her, I was left to overrule her opinion. The only contribution she made to resolve the issue was to tell her son he shouldn’t pick on other kids. Though my infant daughter is technically a kid, my mind was screaming…he’s attempting to assault a baby, not picking on a kid.
Knowing a lost cause, I wheeled my daughter away, checked out and left the store. In processing the event, I’ve tried to allow myself to be mad at the little boy. I just can’t be though. I’m shocked by his behavior, but my anger is reserved for his mother. Without more guidance and discipline from his parents, that 7 year old menace could be on a path to a career as an abuser. Even if the outcome is less extreme, he certainly has a bumpy ride ahead of him as he attempts to make friends while lacking social skills and common courtesy. It really is sad. By his appearance, he is well provided for in terms of material things. By his actions, he is sorely neglected.
This reminds me of when I, as a boy of probably 7 or 8 years old, was at a park with my twin and my mother. At the play equipment, I noticed a little girl who was about 5 years old with her mother. The little girl had no eyes. I turned to my brother and said, “Look at the girl with the creepy eyes!” Before the last word left my lips, without saying a word, my mother slapped my face so hard, I can still feel it today. It rattled my teeth.
I have never forgotten that, and it instantly taught me that you never, ever hurt other people in word or action.
Very well written Lisa!!! You sure have a way with words. When my first son was born I used to just look at him and wonder how children become so mean and why would any parent allow their child to learn that behavior. Makes me want to shelter them forever (although I know that would cause other issues). Snuggle that beautiful girl!
Wow Amsterdamn. I wish your mother had been with this child’s mother today. Not that I would have needed a slap to set him straight, but he walked away from that situation learning nothing. Your mom left an impression that helped shape you into a good citizen of the world. I think that’s a wonderful gift from her.
Emily, I wonder the same thing.
What a little shit!! I am glad you talked to the childs mother. If that were one of my kids I would have been completely mortified by what he said, (let alone him attempting to hit her with a ball.) I would have flipped, apologized profusely and then taken child home for a good talking to!! But I have to say my kids know better and have compassion for other people.
Unreal.
Wow. I am so on boat with you on this. I have a really well behave son, mostly because I am watching every thing he does. You handled yourself well, and honestly there wasn’t much more you could do.
Am’s mom sounds a lot like mine.
The boy obviously has learned somewhere that abusive behavior is OK. Kids are certainly kids, but the mother was completely ignorant. No doubt that kid will grow up seeing juvenile hall sooner or later. The mother is the one lacking social skills. It would have been an appropriate time to explain what a birthmark was and why it was rude to not only mention it but also to remark on it as being “ugly.”
The listing agent on my house was born with one arm (probably thalidamide); Chris was about 9 when he burst out: “Hey you have only one arm!!!” It wasn’t rude, it was just normal curiosity, and the agent had heard it many times before. However, I asked Chris to apologize and still used that example as a time to sit down with him and explain why it was not appropriate to make such a remark to someone.
Sorry this happened to you Lisa. People are clueless.
I just wanted to tell you your blog is fascinating. You are one heck of a writer– very talented!!!
The incident with the little boy in the store and your baby girl– ugh, my heart was sinking as I read. When I hear things like that I actually get pain in my chest. My heart aches, mostly in sadness for ignorant people. There is so much beauty in life they will miss out on because they choose something other than goodness and compassion.
Well, for that one little boy out there who is lacking in it there are other little boys, nearly the same age, like my son Noah (6). His 12 year old cousin was born missing her left hand– there is only a stump and finger nubs. Anyway, she adores Noah because whenever he sees her he wants to kiss her hand! He says God gave her a very special hand and he loves it just like he loves her. She, of course, thinks Noah is a silly kid.
Keep writing and sharing your beautiful life with us. And thank you!!!! You have an awesome life and a beautiful daughter!!!
Jennifer, thank you so much for stopping by to read my blog. I love the story of Noah and his cousin. You are right. There is plenty of good to cancel out the bad. I remember telling my Grandpa when I was younger that I wasn’t sure I wanted to have children and bring them into this mean world. He was quick to point out if the good people in this world quit having children, we’ll be completely outnumbered.
Hugs to Noah.