We’ve all heard you get more bees with honey. Usually I’m down with this. You know what though? Honey can be a sticky mess and sometimes attracting a bee just leaves you vulnerable to being stung. I’ve decided to give up the honey strategy today and go right to the bee’s supervisor.
Archive for the ‘Treatment of Others’ Category
Bees & Honey
Friday, August 22nd, 2008
Sloppy Joes
Tuesday, August 12th, 2008There are lots of sloppy Joes, Mikes, Bills and (in my case) Steves in this world. Many women I know cite their husband’s sloppiness as their number one complaint. It seems my house isn’t the only one plagued with strewn clothing, scattered dishes, abandoned food wrappers, orphaned tools and obstacle course style shoe storage. As efficient as I try to be at righting the chaos, my beloved seems to out pace me 10 fold in the distribution of his debris.
So many women can relate to my challenge, yet there is still a fear of being judged by other women as lazy or sloppy myself should one happen to see my house in its full tornadic glory. Why is this? I know I’m not the only one whose heart sinks to the floor when a surprise visitor rings the doorbell. My husband promptly opens the door without hesitation and happily invites in the masses. Not one thought is given to what the individual may be in store for once crossing the threshold. I just want to hide in the corner and bury my cheeks, flushed with embarrassment, in my hands.
There are times when I wonder where my husband’s confidence comes from. Is he secure in the knowledge I’m more likely to be judged for the appearance of our home or does he truly see no big deal in sharing our mess with the world? I fully believe women are mostly to blame in all of this. We have allowed men to exist for ages with the impression we like picking up after them. Secondly, knowing what is likely at play in most households, we still take it upon ourselves to judge other women harshly who are in the exact same boat as us. It may not be a judgment in the form of words, but many are familiar with the looks, sighs and sounds of disapproval.
Thank You
Sunday, January 27th, 2008Last week a young man delivered Thai noodles to my door. I didn’t feel like cooking that night, you see. He wasn’t much for eye contact and clearly was in a hurry to move on to his next gig. We made the food/money swap and I offered a “thank you” as I prepared to close my door. At that, he looked up and gave me a big smile. “I’m the one who should be saying thank you to you,” he said. “Thank you for your business.” He gets it! He understands how it all should work. It was so refreshing. I am forever thanking people for letting me give them my business and they are forever saying “you’re welcome.” It may not have been a life changing moment, but it certainly was one that made me smile.
Key to Happiness
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008Is the key to happiness simply not having any expectations? I’m beginning to wonder. If you don’t have expectations then anytime people come through for you or events play out successfully it is a pleasant surprise. Disappointments would be far and few between without expectations. At least that is my guess.
Mystery Solved
Thursday, November 1st, 2007I have figured out why some young kids are becoming increasingly annoying…Sponge Bob Square Pants. Parents, for the sake of your fellow man, throw him back in the ocean and read your kids a good book. Take them outside and run them around, perhaps. I beg you, my sanity can’t survive a world influenced by Sponge Bob.
Then and Now
Thursday, October 25th, 2007I love it when people give me something new to think about for a bit.
Tonight, a friend’s husband offered up some insight to the situation I blogged about the other day. His thought, the individual who has been working so hard to frustrate and annoy was likely on the receiving end of unkind behavior at one point in time in her life. How often do we hear that a person’s actions as an adult have been influenced by cruelty experienced as a child or teenager? Of course, this could have nothing to do with it whatsoever. It does give me pause though.
No matter how tough or unphased an individual seems, there is a general need in life to be loved, accepted and noticed. This isn’t anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It is perfectly natural. When a person is denied those needs, it isn’t easily forgotten. Deep hurts result. Everyone deals with the void in their own way. Some act out violently. Some take a turn behaving in a similar fashion as those who hurt them so long ago. Others simply tuck it inside and no one is the wiser.
The thought this individual’s actions may be influenced by past pain is hard to process. I look at my daughter and think of how much cruelty she has to face on a daily basis. All of the stares and comments about her birthmark are difficult to shrug off. Pretty soon she will be old enough to know and understand that some in this world view her as unattractive or strange. How will she store these experiences? Will they resurface in her future? Will she take a turn at singling someone else out as different or ‘ugly’ when she is older and her birthmark is no longer an issue? I’d like to think her own experiences with people being cruel would make her more sensitive to other people’s feelings and less likely to carry on in a way that is hurtful. This is definitely one of the things I am going to store in my mental notepad to be sure we work on together.
Past pain is never justification for people’s actions. Lord knows we can’t let the molested molest or the abused abuse because someone did it to them. We can take the time though to consider when someone is saying or doing hurtful things that they themselves may be hurting as well. Not sure what the solution is. This insightful husband didn’t have a solution either. If this individual was indeed on the receiving end of insensitive or mean actions at some time, well, I feel horrible she had to go through such a thing. I am frustrated with her actions, but I don’t enjoy the thought she may have felt as bad (and likely worse) at one time as those she has taken the time to be insensitive towards lately. Again, this is no justification. People have a right to be angry over the behavior. It does take some of the venom out of my reaction though.
We really do need to teach our children at an early age the importance of kindness and being inclusive. Appreciating differences versus singling them out is invaluable. So many of our society’s current struggles are rooted in the past. We can’t change the past. We can reshape the future with a little care and attention to the present.
Idiots Are Smarter Than We Think
Saturday, October 20th, 2007I really think the modern way of handling idiotic behavior is off target. The message seems to be to take the high road and ignore those who behave like jerks amongst us. Don’t stoop to their level. Be more mature than they are. Acknowledging their ridiculous behavior is only giving them the attention they so desperately crave. Some will take whatever attention they can get, positive or negative.
I bought into this line of thinking for a while. I like to think of myself as mature and able to take the high road in life. Lately it has felt like there are more and more idiots in my world. You know though, that’s not true. It just feels that way because they are being allowed a voice while the mature and considerate amongst us are silently walking this elusive high road. The real kicker is that the silent maturity is not accompanied by peace. It is tangled with frustration and irritation. Yep, the idiots are cozy as cucumbers while those who are doing the right thing are uncomfortable and upset. THIS MAKES NO SENSE!
I participate in an internet community that has been a big part of my life for over 2 years now. Lots of fabulous women who love and care about one another. Unlike most internet communities consisting heavily of women, this is not a dramatic or petty group. The goals of the cyber family are essentially to be funny, helpful, supportive and good natured. One person has decided that the peaceful harmony of our group is not to her liking and has taken it upon herself, in a passive-aggressive way, to irritate the group to the core. We weren’t giving enough attention and now the plan is retaliation. Of course, she denies this is the case. We are the immature ones, you know, for reacting this way. Yeah, 30+ women have it all wrong. Now, this is a group of resourceful and intelligent women. It wouldn’t take much to squash her like a bug if we all played by the same rules she is using and went after her. Have we done that? No. Why? Because of this misplaced logic that the best way to deal with idiotic behavior is to ignore it and carry on as usual. As if it should be beneath us to make this one person uncomfortable participating in our community if she is not going to do so in an acceptable way.
This is why I say idiots are smarter than we think. Really. They have figured out they can behave as poorly as they wish and the world is going to tolerate it with a quiet ‘oh well’. The irony is that not all of us can be an idiot. You see, it’s like calling “shotgun” for the right to ride in the front passenger seat of the car. Once someone has called it, they are in that seat. It’s theirs. Everyone else has to sit in back. Because this woman was the first one to make a claim on the idiot seat, it is hers. So, if anyone else wants to act like an idiot to counter her behavior, well, that’s just wrong. It’s not acceptable. Won’t be tolerated. To add to the frustration, the person with first claim on the idiot’s seat is also the one most comfortable criticizing others when they attempt to stoop to the same level. Do you see the silliness of it all? Civilized people really have made life more difficult for themselves. Ironic.
You Spin Me Round-Round Baby
Saturday, August 11th, 2007Orbitz is a great deal unless you actually need customer service. Then the spin is on. My husband tried for 90 minutes to change a ticket with them today. After being transferred to practically every employee in the company and being disconnected 3 times he grew a second head. It’s true. It popped right out of his shoulder. The house started vibrating from his barely contained rage and the airconditioner struggled to overtake the heat from his frustration. I am worried he now plans to choose a flight destination of India so he can personally wring the neck of every helpful soul he encountered today. By the way, he still has not resolved his ticket issue. After the final disconnect, I begged him off his quest for the weekend so we hopefully could avoid a trip to the ER for apoplexy.
Ah Youth
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007It is totally normal to miss one’s youth at times. Just don’t try to relive the experience by acting like you are still in highschool. It’s just not attractive. Grown adults really are quite silly when they pout and stomp their feet. It just makes our wrinkles worse and body parts jiggle that are best kept still.
Happiness is a Moral Obligation
Wednesday, March 28th, 2007A friend shared this essay with me today. I liked it a great deal and wanted to share it here. I consider myself a pretty happy person. Like everyone, I have my moments, but I try not to let them take over my day. When people are unhappy, they are toxic. This essay hits it right on the nose for me.
Happiness Is a Moral Obligation
By Dennis Prager
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
For much of my life, I, like most people, regarded the pursuit of happiness as largely a selfish pursuit. One of the great revelations of middle age has been that happiness, far from being only a selfish pursuit, is a moral demand.
When we think of character traits we rightly think of honesty, integrity, moral courage, and acts of altruism. Few people include happiness in any list of character traits or moral achievements.
But happiness is both.
Happiness — or at least acting happy, or at the very least not inflicting one’s unhappiness on others — is no less important in making the world better than any other human trait.
With some exceptions, happy people make the world better and unhappy people make it worse. This is true on the personal (micro) and global (macro) planes.
On the micro plane:
Consider the effects of an unhappy parent on a child. Ask people raised by an unhappy parent if that unhappiness hurt them.
Consider the effects of an unhappy spouse on a marriage.
Consider the effects of unhappy children on their parents. I know a couple that has four middle-aged children of whom three are truly extraordinary people, inordinately well adjusted and decent. The fourth child has been unhappy most of his life and has been a never-ending source of pain to the parents. That one child’s unhappiness has always overshadowed the joy that the parents experience from the other three children. Hence the saying that one is no happier than one’s least happy child.
Consider the effects of a brooding co-worker on your and your fellow workers’ morale — not to mention the huge difference between working for a happy or a moody employer.
We should regard bad moods as we do offensive body odor. Just as we shower each day so as not to inflict our body odors on others, so we should monitor our bad moods so as not to inflict them on others. We shower partly for ourselves and partly out of obligation to others. The same should hold true vis a vis moods; and just as we avoid those who do not do something about their body odor we should avoid whenever possible those who do nothing about their bad moods.
The flip side of the damage unhappy people do when they subject others to their unhappiness is the good that people do when they are, or at least act, happy. Just think of how much more you want to help people when you are in particularly happy mood and you realize how much more good the happy are likely to do.
On the macro plane, the case for the relationship between happiness and goodness is as apparent.
It is safe to say that the happiest Germans were not those who joined the Nazi Party. Nor did the happiest Europeans become Communists. And happy Muslims are not generally among those who extol death. The motto of Hamas and other Islamic groups engaged in terror, “We love death as much as [Americans, Jews] love life,” does not appeal to happy Muslims.
Cults, hysteria and mass movements all appeal to the unhappy far more than to the happy. It is one more example of the genius of America’s Founders to include “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” in the Declaration of Independence. No other major civilization so enshrined happiness as a core value. This American belief in the moral and societal merit in pursuing happiness is a major reason America has developed differently than Europe. The American emphasis on happiness is one reason no fanatical political or religious movement, Left or Right, has been able to succeed in America as such movements have repeatedly succeeded in Europe.
The pursuit of happiness is not the pursuit of pleasure. The pursuit of pleasure is hedonism, and hedonists are not happy because the intensity and amount of pleasure must constantly be increased in order for hedonism to work. Pleasure for the hedonist is a drug.
But the pursuit of happiness is noble. It benefits everyone around the individual pursuing it, and it benefits humanity. And that is why happiness is a moral obligation.
Here is the link to Dennis’ site and with the original essay and comments it generated.
http://www.townhall.com/columnists/DennisPrager/2007/02/20/happiness_is_a_moral_obligation