This is insane. I’m trying to wean myself off of chocolate and other sweets. Currently, I’m experiencing several symptoms of withdrawal. I’m biting my nails, irritable, anxious and I keep opening my kitchen cabinets in search of something…anything. I’ve intentionally not purchased any snack food at the grocery store. I can’t eat what I don’t buy, right? I also haven’t washed my hair in a few days with the hope that will stop me from caving and running out in public to find some Hershey love.
Just like the recovering alcoholic who will drink mouthwash to get a fix, I’m looking for alternative sources of sugar and chocolate. How sick is that? Seriously! I made hot chocolate from baker’s cocoa the other night. This morning I was tempted to sprinkle some sugar on my toast. What gives? My mother actually commented how addicted people are becoming to sugar. I thought, I’m not addicted. I like the stuff, but I don’t need it to get through life. Now I know the truth.
In terms of dependencies, I suppose chocolate is less dangerous than smoking, alcohol or gambling. My trip down addiction road has opened my eyes though. It really snuck up on me. There was a time when eating a brownie was an innocent treat. How could I know my relationship with Duncan Hines would take such an ugly turn? Now I can completely understand how the drinker, smoker and gambler became ensnared in their guilty pleasure. I don’t think I’m a bad person because chocolate has become such a substantial part of my life. I am uncomfortable with the idea of anything having that kind of power over me though. There is a strange cycle of compromise and justification going on with me. I want this candy bar so I’ll eat two veggies with dinner. Or, my neighbor gave me this bag of dark chocolate M&Ms. It would be rude not to eat them. The truth is chocolate and sugar are in control. It’s time for me to move them to the back seat while I take the steering wheel for a while.
